Freaks Like Us - Susan Vaught

‘There’s no running away from what’s in your own head.’

This is the story of three friends, one of whom, seventeen-year-old Jason Milwaukee, is the first person narrator. Sunshine goes missing and the mystery of the story is in trying to resolve where she is and why she has disappeared, with Jason struggling to remember what she had said to him before she disappeared, her voice fighting with the other, overpowering voices in his head.

Jason, who is telling the story here, is SCZI - schizophrenic. Sunshine is SM - selectively mute, and Drip (Derrick) has ADHD. Collectively they, and others like them who suffer mental illnesses tagged by such initials, refer to themselves as ‘alphabets’. As Jason’s father explains to FBI Agent Mercer, ‘”It’s a word Jason and Sunshine and Derrick use to describe themselves as a group. It feels better to them than any of the disorder-disability talk.”’

Jason often refers to his mother and father by their professional ranks of the colonel and the captain. His parents divorced when he was twelve and when we meet him he is living with his father. Jason is also referred to as “Freak” and tells Agent Mercer frankly: “Everybody calls me that. You can.”

The tension builds in the story as the hours go by since Sunshine has been gone. Susan Vaught's writing feels compassionate and honest in dealing with mental health in teenagers, how it feels to them to be different, to be classed as SED - Severely Emotionally Disturbed. The author is a practicing psychologist. She conveys the intensity of the struggle to deal with his affliction throughout every waking moment, through Jason’s hurried speech and transcribing the talk he hears from all of the different, competing voices in his head – the style of writing reflects the chaos of Jason’s mind and thoughts and the voices. Some of the thoughts they tell him are very negative and cruel: ‘He knows it’s your fault. He knows you’re an idiot. Fool on the hill. Fool on the hill. He’s got cold eyes. Why does he have cold eyes? He’s probably a serial killer.’

The author is careful to make it clear that he is not his illness; at one point he is talking and realizes these aren’t his thoughts but the thoughts of the voices he hears;

‘I hate it when I sound like my alphabet voices.

I hate it when I smear together like a wet photograph and get all sticky and can’t tell the crazy voices from my own voice and what I’m seeing now from what I saw before and what I want to see now and what I wanted to see before and –‘

His frustration at his real thoughts being clouded and hidden sometimes by everything else that is going on in his mind is difficult for him to bear.

I found this an unsettling and difficult read at times; some of the images Jason sees are a bit disturbing and the constant reminders of the cruel and confused voices littered throughout the text make for an uneasy read. But this is the author’s point; this is conveying the illness and the realities of what Jason endures. I’m glad the author attempted to portray this as it is. Anyone who has suffered or had experience of a mental illness will likely feel a resonance with this story, as will many compassionate readers who haven’t.

Throughout the story I found myself liking Jason and admiring him for who he is. I felt very sad and frustrated for him at times, when he was being bullied, or misunderstood by those who don’t know him, or when his unusual behaviour attracts unjustified suspicions that he might be guilty. Most sad of all was when he couldn’t reach inside his mind and find the memories and thoughts that he really needed, the clues that would help him understand about Sunshine, because the voices keep getting in the way, causing confusion. His deep affection and respect for Sunshine is evident throughout. I was so glad the three of them – Jason, Sunshine and Drip - had had each other’s friendship and understanding. It’s very clear that, as Jason observes, 'Some days life makes more sense than other days.'

The shift in the relationship between FBI Agent Mercer and Jason as the story progresses was very nicely done I thought. As he emerges with new understanding and consideration for Jason, so too does the reader.

A poignant, honest and distinctive young adult mystery novel with frank insights into mental health. 

Published by Bloomsbury Childrens Books