My Heart and Other Black Holes - Jasmine Warga

Synopsis

Aysel and Roman are practically strangers, but they've been drawn into an unthinkable partnership. In a month's time, they plan to commit suicide - together.

Aysel knows why she wants to die: being the daughter of a murderer doesn't equal normal, well-adjusted teenager. But she can't figure out why handsome, popular Roman wants to end it all....and why he's even more determined than she is.

With the deadline getting closer, something starts to grow between Aysel and Roman - a feeling she never thought she would experience. It seems there might be something to live for, after all - but is Aysel in so deep she can't turn back? 

~~~~~

'Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.'

I was keen to read My Heart and Other Black Holes when I found out about it, as the storyline and themes really interest me personally. I read it quickly and found the story gripping and compelling, and I felt compassion for Aysel and Roman, two young people, total strangers, who plan to take their own lives, together. 

For the most part I thought this was an excellent book; I was so glad to see something written in young adult fiction exploring difficult, complex feelings of guilt, and dealing with deep depression, and in this case focussing on teenagers. This is an impressive, moving and honest debut novel with a frank and well portrayed depiction of depression, sadness and self-blame. 

There are some excellent scenes and a real understanding and compassion of depression is demonstrated in the writing, as well as the difficulty some people can have with interactions with others, retreating into themselves so far that their outlook on the world becomes very bleak indeed, believing they are everything their illness tells them they are. The author convincingly depicts problems within different relationships, whether between siblings, mother-daughter, mother-son - so as well as depression and the individual, the novel looks at different family structures and friendships too and how they are affected. 

My main quibble was that I personally was not a hundred percent sure about the ending and whether it felt right to me, but I would definitely recommend others read this novel and decide for themselves. This story affected me in the way I think I thought the book The Fault in Our Stars would but didn't. 

I read a proof copy a while ago now and I hope when the finished book appears here in the UK that there will be appropriate help and support links at the back for the UK for anyone who might need them (as the novel is set in the USA). I do think it is important that topics like this are covered, sensitively. 

I did find parts of this story upsetting and notice my mood drop, so if you doubt your strength do think about whether it is the right time for you to read this, and whether it will help you. 

Review copy received via amazon vine 

Leopold Blue - Rosie Rowell - Guest Book Review

Published by Hot Key Books

Guest review by Susan Maclean

I do like books aimed at Young Adults (which I hope this was), but I am not sure that it’s supposed audience will make it a best seller.  It’s well written, the descriptions of the area of South Africa where the book is set are good enough for you to “see” what it’s like, and none of the characters are two dimensional.  

But. I couldn’t empathise much with Meg who is 15, full of hormones, and really does not fit in at school in her little township.  Her mother Vivvy, English, married for love and now stuck in the middle of a rural and changing SA,  has views about politics which don’t sit well with Meg, and her class-mates’ parents.  She is also on a campaign to inform black farm workers about AIDs, which was rife at the time Mandela came to power when this book is set.  Meg cannot understand why her mother would be out on the farms every Sunday, telling workers about condoms, bodily fluids and the like when she should be home with her family. Meg’s Mum cannot understand why Meg feels this way, and why Meg's so angry with her.

Into Meg’s life comes  Zanthe, who sits next to her at school, and whom the headmistress wants Meg to take under her wing.  Zanthe, with cat’s eyes.  Zanthe, who doesn’t give a stuff about anyone.  Zanthe, who surely dyes her hair black as her eyes are blue.  Zanthe, who wants to be naughty.  Zanthe, who takes to calling Meg, “Madge”.

If you are a teen, you will probably know exactly how Meg feels.  And if you are a teen, you will certainly know how it feels to be embarrassed by your parents, how that first crush feels, how no-one understands you. But I am not so sure you will put this book in the “best I have ever read category”.  You may find, as I did, that it is rather slow, and that you expected the bad things to be bigger and more shocking than they were. 

Many thanks to Susan for reading and reviewing this novel for The Little Reader Library. Susan blogs at Mac-Adventures (with Books!)

The Apple Tart of Hope - Sarah Moore Fitzgerald

‘He wasn’t just my friend. He was kind of magic.’

I previously read and enjoyed Back to Blackbrick, Sarah Moore Fitzgerald’s debut novel, so when I saw she had written a second novel, I was keen to read it, and when I saw the lovely title and the beautiful cover design, I was even more attracted by it.

Oscar and Meg live next door to each other, and have done for years, and they chat to each other through their facing bedroom windows. The pair of them have developed a close friendship, and brighten up each other’s lives:

‘We got to sitting at our windows, late at night, at the end of every day. He was different from anyone I’d ever met, and when Oscar was my friend, nothing was annoying or complicated. Everything was simple and enjoyable and fun. Everything made sense.’

As the story opens, we learn that Oscar is missing, presumed dead by suicide, though Meg, as well as Oscar’s brother Stevie, wont believe it. Then we are taken back to several months before, and the story tells of Meg’s father taking his family to New Zealand with him for six months with work, with Meg bitterly opposed to going. Alternating chapters, ‘slices’ of an apple tart, are recounted from Meg’s, and then Oscar’s, perspective, and gradually reveal how Oscar and Meg’s friendship is changed when she does go. A new girl, Paloma, and her mother, move into Meg’s house temporarily. With regard to the book’s title, Oscar has a heightened sense of when something particular is in the air, and this is when he bakes one of his remarkable apple tarts which improved people’s feelings and helped with troubles.

I felt this story had real depth, and dealt honestly and compassionately with strong emotions and serious decisions. At times it was also rather magical which just added an extra element of sparkle to a great tale. I liked Meg and Oscar, and I was compelled to read on and discover what happened to them both, why had things changed, what had caused so much sadness? There are themes of love and friendship, the difficulty and sadness of separation and loss, as well as belief and honesty, manipulation and jealousy. The story shows how strong a connection we can feel for another person, and how nerve-wracking and all consuming it can be when we try to convey our feelings, and how devastating it is if we suspect our feelings aren’t reciprocated, and all this even more difficult to deal with as a teenager.

It’s a fairly quick read and is really well written with some lovely use of language; I liked this description of one of the character’s homes; ‘Barney’s house stood battered and gloomy, as if it was in a sulk from having gone to the elaborate trouble of being built and then having been neglected so badly that it looked as if nobody lived in it.’ Overall this is another very good young adult (and indeed adult) offering from this talented author.

Thank you to amazon vine for a review copy of this novel. 

Author links - twitter @SMooreFitz |

Published by Orion Children's Books

My review of Back to Blackbrick

When Mr Dog Bites - Brian Conaghan

This debut novel introduces us to Dylan Mint, a sixteen year old with Tourette’s syndrome. He is the first person narrator throughout and his language is peppered with lots of interesting phrases including rhyming slang. I felt this distinguished him as a character and was a memorable aspect of the book. Dylan overhears a conversation his mother has with their doctor and consequently he believes he is going to die the following March. The book follows his attempts to achieve three particular aims before this time, involving a girl, his best friend, and his father.

There was much I was impressed by in this promising debut, the consistency of Dylan’s voice, and in terms of characterisation, his honesty and frankness, his innocence, his kindness towards his best friend Amir, his self-awareness about his condition, and his love for his mother and father. Mr Dog is how Dylan refers to the feelings that are unleashed from him when he experiences an episode of Tourette’s if that is the correct description. There are painful revelations to come for Dylan as the story unfolds.

The narrative felt quite fast paced throughout which I really enjoyed, and which suited the urgency within the story for Dylan to achieve his aims. Dylan is experiencing things that every young person goes through, first love and desire for example, school bullies, feeling almost an adult in some ways yet sometimes very childlike and needing support, and he has to try and cope with his feelings whilst managing his condition and being at a special school too. He is a very positive character overall I’d say. There’s a young adult and an adult cover for this novel, and the novel includes swearing, and discusses sex and race which all seemed appropriate to me as they are part of life for teenagers. There's plenty to appeal to adult readers. At some points I thought Dylan might realise the truth about a couple of things slightly earlier than he actually does. Overall though a fast-paced and promising debut novel with much to like.

Just to add, an excellent non-fiction book I read about Tourette's is Jessica Thom's 'Welcome to Biscuitland.'

Thanks to Amazon Vine for the review copy.

The Seeing - Diana Hendry

‘Because how can evil just stop…?’

The novel opens with a prologue that introduces us to Lizzie; she is dreaming and is evidently distressed, and we know that something upsetting has happened. Then we are taken back to when she first met Natalie and her younger brother Philip. Well-behaved thirteen-year-old Lizzie is immediately drawn to the much wilder Natalie when she entered the classroom for the first time:

‘I looked at her and she reached to my heart. She went straight there, as if there was something in her that was in me too, only I hadn’t known it before and though I didn’t know what it was, I knew it was important. I wanted her for my friend like I’d never wanted anything before.’

Soon Lizzie is spending much of her time with her, she feels they are kindred spirits and she has left behind her former best friends Alice and Dottie, becoming more adventurous and venturing ‘off the beaten track’ as her mother calls it. There is a contrast in their home lives; whilst Lizzie’s family is proud to be moving up in the world, Natalie’s home life seems unsettled and somewhat impoverished. It’s the mid 1950s and thoughts of World War II still occupy both Lizzie and Natalie’s minds. Natalie then reveals to Lizzie that Philip has a strange gift, an ability to see, and she is convinced that he can identify ‘left-over Nazis’ from the war who are living amongst them, perhaps waiting to strike, and she believes that together the three of them can be the ones to rid the place of these people, of the evil that still lives on. She seems driven in this by the fact that her father died in the war. What starts as an exciting plan to Lizzie soon becomes something much more terrible.

We also learn of an artist who has visited Norton, the small seaside town which is the setting of the novel, for several years, setting up in his yellow caravan and painting, hoping to forget the painful wartime memories he carries with him. The story has a main first-person narrative from Lizzie’s point of view, but also features letters from the painter, Hugo, to his sister, and then it also includes extracts from Natalie’s diary, so we are able to look at events from several different perspectives and gain insight into their backgrounds. I felt Lizzie was a little naïve to be drawn so easily into Natalie’s ways but it’s quite possible that in her innocence she would have just been so taken with her, so intrigued by her and by this powerful new friendship that she was caught up in the situation.

I don’t think I’ve read much fiction before that has looked at the impact and legacy of the effects of war specifically on children, so this is a clever approach for the author to take, and she’s not afraid to explore dark, disturbing thoughts and feelings that the children may have had about the war. This is a well-paced, inventive, dark and mysterious historical tale for young adult readers and I’d certainly say it’s strong and powerful enough for adults too; I found it fascinating, compelling, unsettling and sad, and the cover image is fittingly rather haunting too. 

Published by The Bodley Head

New England Rocks - Christina Courtenay

I've previously read one of this author's historical fiction titles, Highland Storms, which was a really enjoyable, well written period adventure and romance. I like to read a young adult novel from time to time, as I enjoy a nice variety in my reading matter! This is Christina Courtenay's first novel for young adults, and it is the first in a trilogy all to be set in New England.

Rain Mackenzie is expelled from Blakeborough boarding school in England and travels to join her wealthy parents where they currently live, in a small town north of Boston in New England. They hope to teach her a lesson after her exploits at her previous school where she was found in the boys dormitory surrounded by empty tequila bottles, by sending her to the local school, Northbrooke High, and bringing her down to earth. She is intent on not enjoying it at Northbrooke High, determined to keep to herself and not get involved with anyone. After all, she thinks she won't be there long. However, her opinion starts to waver when she gets to know fellow student and musician Jesse Devlin a little better. Despite a definite attraction between the pair, there's a complication because Jesse is already attached, and his girlfriend Amber isn't at all keen on Rain spending any time with him. The story follows Rain's time settling in at the school and getting to know Jesse. 

I thought this was an easy, enjoyable, fun and undemanding read, with a sweet storyline, featuring an independent, sassy heroine and a troubled, sensitive and handsome hero. It was an escapist read, and the development of friendships and romance were nicely portrayed. The author writes with a compassion for her characters, and captures the high school environment with its cliques and rivalries. I enjoyed the bonding day episode when the kids went out into the forest. I felt perhaps the outcome was a little easy to guess at, but I was glad that it concluded the way it did. Rain developed as a character, moving from her initial disgruntlement at finding herself thrust into a new school in another country, to an acceptance and even appreciation of the new people she meets, and happiness at how things turn out. There's a lot more to Jesse than initially meets the eye, and his tougher background is in stark contrast to Rain's privileged upbringing. There's some highlighting of the contrasts between the UK and USA, in terms of language and cultural comparisons; I'd have liked a bit more of this, and I'd have loved a little more about the New England setting and landscape.

Overall New England Rocks is a fairly quick read and an enjoyable teenage tale with heart, and I'd be keen to see what the author does in the next book in this series; in the meantime, I'll be hoping to read some of her other historical fiction.

Published by Choc Lit

Thanks to the publisher for kindly sending a copy of this novel to read and give an honest review.

You can find the author on twitter @PiaCCourtenay  and visit her website here.

You can read the prologue and first chapter on the Choc Lit website here. 

Freaks Like Us - Susan Vaught

‘There’s no running away from what’s in your own head.’

This is the story of three friends, one of whom, seventeen-year-old Jason Milwaukee, is the first person narrator. Sunshine goes missing and the mystery of the story is in trying to resolve where she is and why she has disappeared, with Jason struggling to remember what she had said to him before she disappeared, her voice fighting with the other, overpowering voices in his head.

Jason, who is telling the story here, is SCZI - schizophrenic. Sunshine is SM - selectively mute, and Drip (Derrick) has ADHD. Collectively they, and others like them who suffer mental illnesses tagged by such initials, refer to themselves as ‘alphabets’. As Jason’s father explains to FBI Agent Mercer, ‘”It’s a word Jason and Sunshine and Derrick use to describe themselves as a group. It feels better to them than any of the disorder-disability talk.”’

Jason often refers to his mother and father by their professional ranks of the colonel and the captain. His parents divorced when he was twelve and when we meet him he is living with his father. Jason is also referred to as “Freak” and tells Agent Mercer frankly: “Everybody calls me that. You can.”

The tension builds in the story as the hours go by since Sunshine has been gone. Susan Vaught's writing feels compassionate and honest in dealing with mental health in teenagers, how it feels to them to be different, to be classed as SED - Severely Emotionally Disturbed. The author is a practicing psychologist. She conveys the intensity of the struggle to deal with his affliction throughout every waking moment, through Jason’s hurried speech and transcribing the talk he hears from all of the different, competing voices in his head – the style of writing reflects the chaos of Jason’s mind and thoughts and the voices. Some of the thoughts they tell him are very negative and cruel: ‘He knows it’s your fault. He knows you’re an idiot. Fool on the hill. Fool on the hill. He’s got cold eyes. Why does he have cold eyes? He’s probably a serial killer.’

The author is careful to make it clear that he is not his illness; at one point he is talking and realizes these aren’t his thoughts but the thoughts of the voices he hears;

‘I hate it when I sound like my alphabet voices.

I hate it when I smear together like a wet photograph and get all sticky and can’t tell the crazy voices from my own voice and what I’m seeing now from what I saw before and what I want to see now and what I wanted to see before and –‘

His frustration at his real thoughts being clouded and hidden sometimes by everything else that is going on in his mind is difficult for him to bear.

I found this an unsettling and difficult read at times; some of the images Jason sees are a bit disturbing and the constant reminders of the cruel and confused voices littered throughout the text make for an uneasy read. But this is the author’s point; this is conveying the illness and the realities of what Jason endures. I’m glad the author attempted to portray this as it is. Anyone who has suffered or had experience of a mental illness will likely feel a resonance with this story, as will many compassionate readers who haven’t.

Throughout the story I found myself liking Jason and admiring him for who he is. I felt very sad and frustrated for him at times, when he was being bullied, or misunderstood by those who don’t know him, or when his unusual behaviour attracts unjustified suspicions that he might be guilty. Most sad of all was when he couldn’t reach inside his mind and find the memories and thoughts that he really needed, the clues that would help him understand about Sunshine, because the voices keep getting in the way, causing confusion. His deep affection and respect for Sunshine is evident throughout. I was so glad the three of them – Jason, Sunshine and Drip - had had each other’s friendship and understanding. It’s very clear that, as Jason observes, 'Some days life makes more sense than other days.'

The shift in the relationship between FBI Agent Mercer and Jason as the story progresses was very nicely done I thought. As he emerges with new understanding and consideration for Jason, so too does the reader.

A poignant, honest and distinctive young adult mystery novel with frank insights into mental health. 

Published by Bloomsbury Childrens Books

Walk Me Home - Catherine Ryan Hyde

This moving story had me intrigued and asking questions straight away; who are Carly and Jen, why are they walking such a long way, just the two of them, so young? What has happened? Who is Teddy and why is Carly so determined that he is the one to help them?

Sisters Carly, 16, and Jen, 12, have set off from New Mexico and are trying to get to Teddy in California. They soon become hungry and tired, and it becomes increasingly difficult for them to continue and to stay safe and not risk it being discovered that they are on the run alone together; the threat of being taken in by the authorities and potentially separated keeps them walking and reluctant to reveal the reality of their situation to anyone. 

Then the novel takes a step back further in time, a few months earlier, and we meet Teddy, their mother's ex-boyfriend, and we meet the girls' mother, and their recent past slowly reveals itself. The sisters have had a difficult, unsettled childhood and experienced much disappointment; and now their world has been turned upside down. They travel so many miles, struggling along together, desperate and starving at times, and as I read, I feared for them, but I was also heartened by the kindnesses that they encountered from people too. 

It is primarily Carly whose thoughts we follow, and it's a very emotional as well as physical endurance test that she goes through on her journey. It is very clear that she has lost her trust in others and lost her belief in her self, and her self worth; she has convinced herself that she doesn't matter and that 'everyone likes Jen better'.  As I read, I willed things to change for the better for Carly because she had been so strong, I didn't blame her for having lost trust in people because of her past treatment, but she needed to take the risk of trusting again; the story illustrates how sometimes we have a new, unexpected chance for happiness in life and it is the ability to let go of fear and accept this chance, to take the risk of trusting again, that we need. This was such an important theme running through this story; who can the girls trust and believe in, who has their real interests and welfare at heart, who isn't all that they seem to be, and who cares more than they realise. 

I've really enjoyed novels by Catherine Ryan Hyde in the past and I found in this new book the same warm-hearted and honest portrayal of people who find themselves facing the challenge of coping with huge difficulties and setbacks in their lives that I have admired before. She creates rounded characters, and the relationships they share feel very real; I cared about the sisters. The author has sensitively and thoughtfully incorporated a little of Native American culture into this story, and created two special characters in particular that I would love to meet. The sense of place was well conveyed, and this setting was important too, the intense heat of the desert landscape adding to the struggle as the girls were walking. 

I liked the author’s note at the end of the book that clarified an aspect of the story that I had wondered about whilst reading. I think this novel would be really enjoyed by young adult and adult readers. 

I felt this was an engrossing, well-paced story about being honest with yourself and having to admit to the truth, and learning to accept kindness from unexpected places. It is about loss, loyalty, truth, courage, and the hard decisions people have to make, the strength we have to find sometimes even when we are only a young age.  

Published by Black Swan, July 18th 2013

Thanks very much to the publisher for the opportunity to read an advance ebook copy of this novel via netgalley. 

You can visit the author's website here find her on facebook here or follow her on twitter @cryanhyde