Kiss Me First - Lottie Moggach

'God, I'm so glad the Internet didn't exist when I was younger,' said Tess.'

I found this debut novel clever, original and rather addictive. The originality of the story renders it a memorable book. It was fascinating to see how the story progressed. It's not easy to give a lot of detail without starting to reveal aspects of the plot that are best discovered as you read the book, but I'll try and summarise it briefly. It tells the story of Leila, a young woman who is persuaded to assume the identity of another woman, Tess, who is a bit older. The two have never met, yet Leila knows so much about Tess, from intimate secrets to her various friendships and more. Tess no longer wants to live, but in order to shield her friends and family from the shock of her planned suicide, she will maintain a presence through Leila, who will in effect become Tess as far as anyone else is concerned - answering her emails, updating her status and so on. Leila lives alone after he mother dies. She works from home testing software, addicted first of all to an online war game, and then she is drawn one day to the 'Red Pill' website, where she begins to engage in the philosophical debates on there, building up her profile and becoming a respected member of the site. Then she meets the site's founder Adrian, whom she finds impressive, and he assigns her the special role working with Tess and assuming her identity.

Leila is a genuinely fascinating lead character; very clever with technology, yet emotionally and socially inexperienced, naive, rational and logically minded, vulnerable to the addictive rewards offered in the online world, alone in the real world but not realising she is lonely.  Online, she has a role, she is important and she matters; in the real world, there is very little in her life; indeed, when she does experience sensations of love and desire it is completely new to her, and she even consults dictionary definitions of love to try and comprehend her unfamiliar feelings. Sometimes I responded sympathetically towards her, I felt sad and wanted someone to help her, at other times I wanted her to wake up, stop appearing to be so detached from everything and to think again about some of her actions, to see them differently. She makes for a brilliant narrator, because it's not always obvious how much to trust her thoughts. I felt sad for Tess in many ways, too. Through the stark contrast in the extent to which the two women have been engaged with the real word in their lives to date, Lottie Moggach highlights the stark difference between them. I questioned Adrian's motives; his actions certainly give the reader even more to think about. There was a bit of wry humour amongst Leila's thoughts that I enjoyed, about how the press report things illogically.

Kiss Me First has at its heart very topical issues such as identity and isolation in modern society, the internet age with all the various methods of social media that we use to communicate, being so connected and yet it can make us feel more alone, and the question of true identity and the potential to create a fake identity online, and whether it is possible to live your life more or less totally online - would it be possible to carry out this scenario? I don't know, but this novel certainly made me think, especially about how much we really know someone, if the only knowledge we do have of them has been derived via our computer.  

For me, the book raised issues of morality that are worth thinking about, too. At times it made me feel uneasy, which demonstrates the skill of the author's writing in successfully conveying this creepy, frightening situation. There's a good element of suspense too, which keeps you wondering just what has happened.

A dark, absorbing story of loneliness, vulnerability, identity and deception, deftly written with strong characterisation, in particular Leila; this is definitely a notable debut novel for 2013. 

Source - publisher review copy
Publisher - Picador
A short video with the author talking about the novel 
Amazing interactive trailer for this novel!
Views of other bloggers - Farm Lane Books |  And Then I Read A Book | Being Anne Reading  | 

The View on the Way Down - Rebecca Wait

'He was fine some of the time, yes. But his mood could plummet at any moment. I wondered what that must be like for him.'

I was so very keen to read this novel when I heard about it. At the same time, I was very hesitant, because it deals with some things that affect me personally and that I strongly identify with. With this in mind, I did wonder how I would feel whilst, and after, reading it. The answer was that I was very moved by it and it did affect me, it made me cry and many times it made me think how astonishing it is, because the author has understood depression and has conveyed it as it is and can be; crippling, overwhelming, devastating, rendering a person so different from who they were and leaving those who love the person affected by it wondering what they can do. Aspects of the story were more close to home than I could have realised. 

The story tells of Emma, of her brother Jamie, and her other brother Kit, and of her parents Joe and Rose. One of Emma's brothers died five years ago, and the other left the family home on the day of the funeral and hasn't been back since. Emma's parents haven't told her what actually happened, and neither have they spoken to each other about it. The immense impact of what has happened in the past is finally exposed as events in the present bring it out into focus for all of them. Emma is a lovely character who drives much of the story forward. I liked her and I felt for her. She is sweet and sensitive and is being bullied at school and can't understand why Jamie hasn't been in touch since Kit's death. This separation of the younger sister from her older brother with her not knowing why broke my heart. Her memories of time spent with her brothers are so important to her, but she has begun to question them: 

'She clung on to memories like this, but it had occurred to her recently that perhaps they couldn't be trusted. If enough time went by, how could you be sure what was actually true and what you had imagined? Especially if nobody talked about any of it.' 

It's almost impossible for Emma to bring up the subject of Jamie, and of Kit's death, with her parents, because of the extreme reactions it provokes. So she has been left alone with her thoughts about them both. Rebecca Wait captures so well the complexity and pain of the feelings of those left behind, not just of Emma but of Jamie, Joe and Rose. Jamie has a great deal to cope with, and I was incredibly drawn to him through the way he was portrayed. I thought the portrayal of the father, Joe's feelings, was also particularly well drawn and convincing in showing how difficult it was for him to try and deal with what had happened; quite simply, he hadn't been able to deal with it. 

'...he did nothing, simply carried on as before. Head down, struggling through the days. Keeping going, getting through. He'd always known, without having to consider it, that there was no chance of recovery. Not for him, not for any of them. The passing years hadn't changed a thing. There was no getting over this.'

But I have written that the author has been honest and true in portraying this story and these people. So we know that doing nothing can't carry on forever, not without someone breaking or something having to give, and for them all to have to face what happened, at last. The conclusion felt right to me and I'm glad the story ended as it did.

The View on the Way Down is a beautifully written debut novel, and Rebecca Wait sensitively portrays painful, harsh truths about depression. But it remains throughout a compelling, vital story that the reader has to read to the finish. 

This story is sad, tender, raw and painful but it is also warm and hopeful. It is heartbreaking, vivid and it feels very real. I felt so involved with this story as I read it, I felt the agonies of this family, I was moved by the characters and I found myself thinking about them after closing the pages. I read the book in one day; it's very rare for me to manage that. 

Evidently Rebecca Wait knows the ins and outs of what she is writing about here; there were moments that I felt were so accurate, so heartfelt and true. It had a powerful effect on me to feel the strength and honesty in her words. It's an important story, told so, so well. The writing is light and understated and yet so incisive. The author has a deft touch whether writing about the everyday or the extreme.

So many sentences and passages stood out to me. There are moments that touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes because they were so simply stated yet so painfully true, such as the observation by Jamie's former girlfriend about the letter he once wrote to her; I will let you discover the details for yourself if you read the book. It made me think just how much the author has understood about people and life, how she has captured the reactions and realities that rang so true to me as I read. 

One of my principal thoughts after finishing this novel was that it's so special to read a book that actually reminds you why you love reading so much. To read a book that you connect with, that takes you away from your world and into the lives of others, into a story that you are deeply moved by and compelled to read, but a book that, when you put it down and return to your own world, makes you feel that you are not alone in that world or not alone with your feelings. 

I hope I have done this book some justice in my review. I think there is so much more I could say, but in the end all I can say is I thought it was an amazing, accomplished debut and please do read it. 

I don't use ratings on my blog anymore but if I did this book would get 6 out of 5.

Published by Picador

Thanks very much to the publisher for kindly sending me a copy of this novel to read and review. 

You can follow the author on twitter @RebeccaWait and visit her website here.


Other reviews from book bloggers:

| Being Anne Reading | Dog Ear Discs | And Then I Read a Book | Random Things Through My Letterbox | Fleur in her World

How to be a Good Wife - Emma Chapman

‘And there it is again, that strange echoing fear, slipping through the cracks that have formed in the memory.’

This is a haunting debut novel with a mesmerising voice at its heart.

Marta recounts the events in her days to us and we question what is real and true. She has been married to Hector, twenty years her senior, for many years, and their son Kylan is grown-up and lives away from home now. Marta keenly feels his absence.

Marta’s days are structured, she checks the time a lot, she goes to the market at a set time. She has no friends, and is dominated by Hector and by her mother-in-law Matilda. The atmospheric setting is an unnamed Scandinavian town.

She has stopped taking her medication and finds that memories are resurfacing of a room, and a girl with blonde hair keeps appearing before Marta. Who is she, does Marta recognize her, is she from the past, why does she seem increasingly familiar?

‘Looking over my shoulder, I see myself in the steamed mirror. I don’t want to push the girl away, to deny these things I have been seeing. There’s a sense that it would be fruitless anyway: like trying to sink a cork in a basin full of water. It will always rise to the surface again.’

Marta begins to doubt the whole basis that her current life is founded on and her husband Hector seems to then be cast in a different light.

How to be a Good Wife boasts a gripping narrative with Marta’s arresting voice. She thinks she recalls images from her past, but are they real? Is what she remembers the truth, is she paranoid, is it the effect of having stopped taking her medication?

She doubts herself, her imaginings, and the reader doubts her too. I totally believed in her, and was scared and anxious as I read on, riveted.

The feeling of Marta being trapped is utterly real. Her marriage, her home, the place she lives, it all feels so claustrophobic.

I wanted to know how this woman’s life could have been so curtailed, her identity reduced to almost nothing, and why, by whom – by her own illness and limitations, by the calm yet crippling control of her husband, by her forgotten past?

This is intelligent fiction, making the reader think and question everything. Is Marta an unreliable narrator or is everything she says and thinks true? Can she trust her husband, can she trust her own senses – the smells she recalls, the sounds she is hearing, the sights that appear to her.

‘There is something, just out of reach, which I can feel shifting inside me. I shut my eyes, willing it to come forward. It’s a smell first, of detergent and sweat, and a rapid image that shuttles before my eyes too fast for me to grasp….The picture spreads for a moment like ink through blotting paper, and then just as quickly, it is gone.’

It’s an emotional, edgy experience to read this book, riddled as it is with uncertainty and deception.

This is an amazing, cleverly written debut by Emma Chapman; it is compelling, insightful and unsettling – I was hooked throughout and have been thinking about it a lot; it keeps a hold of you long after you've finished reading.

Reviewed by Lindsay Healy

Published by Picador on 3rd January 2013
Reviewed as part of the amazon vine programme

You can follow the author on twitter @emmajchapman

Downstairs at Picador Event

Downstairs at Picador

'celebrating our next generation of writers'

Last month I went along to an evening at Picador in London to hear about some of their exciting new releases for 2013 and to hear some of their new writers talk about and read from these forthcoming titles. This was a lovely evening and I am really looking forward to reading many of the wonderful new books that were introduced to us all.

The authors featured, and their books, are as follows:

How to be a Good Wife by Emma Chapman

Ten Things I've Learnt About Love by Sarah Butler

The View on the Way Down by Rebecca Wait

Meeting the English by Kate Clanchy

The Heretics by Will Storr

Kiss Me First by Lottie Moggach
(no cover available at the time)

There is more information about each of these titles, together with extracts from the books, online here.

Thanks very much to the publisher for the opportunity to attend this event. 

Here's a link to a lovely post on 'And then I read a book' blog about the event too. 

Picador Notebook Creative Writing Session

This post isn't a book review, nor is it an author guest post, but instead it is a post about someone starting to try their hand at creative writing, and that someone is me!

I was very fortunate to win a place on the very first Notebook session run by Picador at Pan Macmillan publishers in London on 20th November. This was an introduction to creative writing, a couple of hours long, the first such course I have ever attended, and I found it inspirational. 

There was a small group of us, alongside some staff from Picador, and we were led throughout the session by journalist and former literary editor Suzi Feay and Picador Editor Francesca Main. The atmosphere was welcoming, offering a relaxed and friendly environment in which to have a go at this. I have been wary in the past about attending a creative writing class partly because I am very nervous, lacking in self belief and unsure quite what to expect. This was a gentle, enjoyable workshop with tips, ideas and advice being shared but no pressure or demands on participants beyond taking part in the writing exercises, with the opportunity to share the results if desired. 

We undertook various exercises to stimulate writing creatively and there was plenty of interesting discussion and great tips. It was an amazing feeling for me just to be actually getting something down on the page (however rough or basic or bad it was), being encouraged to make a start on writing like this was just the gentle push that I needed. In particular it was incredibly helpful to think about the things in my life that are important to me, and the concept Suzi mentioned that there is something within all of us that we can each write about well.

I feel that I can actually start to write something having had this experience, which is no mean feat as I have zero confidence that anything I write will be any good and have huge self doubt, but self criticism is one of the things that was addressed, as it was an issue for so many of the budding writers. I know that for me this harsh critic will always be there, but I feel now that nevertheless I can have a go at writing and see where I get to, and most importantly I have learnt now that there are ways of both managing the inner critic, and indeed also using it to your advantage too as a writer.

I am off now to dig out the creative writing books I bought years ago and was too afraid to start using. I am still nervous as to what I will produce, and I don't know at what point I will feel able to show any of my work to another person, but I now feel that I can tentatively begin to write my very own words on the page and begin to work with them, and that in itself feels incredibly exciting!

The team at Picador are considering potentially offering further courses in the future I believe, not just on writing but on topics such as jacket design, children's book illustration and so on. Definitely something to watch out for!

I'd like to say an enormous thank you again here to everyone involved in the Notebook session for this fantastic opportunity, and for the inspiration and the hope and encouragement it has given me.